Dr. Smooth
by Ken Hurley
There are days I lament my career choice of not following my dreams to become a mad scientist. The unbounded joys of working in a secret underground cave laboratory with a beautiful assistant who would call me Dr. Smooth fill my cup. And I have a big cup.
My meals would arrive by Doordash and be left outside the lab because I’d be working late making myself invisible, which might go past 10:00pm. Do you know where your children are? Ha! Good luck trying to find them once my invisibility potion hits the market.
Imagine, if rather than just one invisible man, the entire population were invisible. Careful where you sit! Oooh! My kind of fun.
My invisibility potion would be strong. Whatever you first touch with your hands would become invisible for as long as some part of your body touches it. I have conquered the way to suppress the light scattering needed to cloak the human form with glorious invisibility! Mad? You decide. It’s a scientific breakthrough by breaking the unbreakable speed of light. Einstein would smile!
The benefits of worldwide invisibility are clearly seen. Racism would cease. Murder would end. No more wars. Government actions would really become transparent. No more suffering through another season of Jaguars Football! The “Invisible Man” in the sky would now truly be made in our image.
Invisibility! Healthy and stealthy.
Ah, but there’s a rub. Just as there’s a large anti-vax crowd who are led by the mindless musings of people so dumb when they hear “Drinks on the house” they get a ladder, there will be those who won’t like my invisibility potion for reasons so inexplicable it stretches credulity further than a Spandex Speedo over Orlando Bloom in full form.
It is inevitable there will be a political divide and significant rancor amongst the “Unseen” and the “Seen.” But the shouting and online memes will soon end. The agonizing frustration caused by the futility of trying to find The Unseen will land The Seen in the looney bin singing Looney Tunes. We’re going to need a bigger bin.
Eventually, The Seen will gain enough insight to see the benefits of being Unseen and embrace my invisibility potion with all the fanatical enthusiasm one sees when the Brazilians score a goal.
Yes, my friends, I could have been a mad scientist who found the elusive and invisible path to world peace. But, knowing there are skeptics amongst us, I guess you’d have to see it to believe it.
