Movie Reviews

These “movie reviews” are in no particular order. Written by me just for fun. Of course.

MOVIE REVIEW. West Side Story (2021). Tissues! The End.

MOVIE REVIEW. Oh, snap! The Avengers: Endgame (2019). Not since Reefer Madness, or Destry Rides Again, has the silver screen been host to such silly righteous pissants (no apologies to Antman) as The Avengers: Endgame. At 181 minutes this movie is 180 minutes too long. Snap. SPOILER ALERT: There’s a graphic that warns us, “FIVE YEARS LATER” as we all wondered should we take this literally? This is one of the most overhyped, overrated, overdone, please be over already, flicks I’ve seen since I stopped reading comic “books” in junior high school. SPOILER ALERT: I will now reveal the dialogue from the last hour of this gruel:
ALL AVENGERS: Avengers Assemble
SOMEONE: We can do this
SOMEONE ELSE: You got this
SOMEONE ELSE: Argh
SOMEONE ELSE: Watch out
SOMEONE ELSE: hwmfp
SOMEONE ELSE: ugh
THANOS: I am inevitable
SOMEONE ELSE: ouch
SOMEONE ELSE: eeee
SOMEONE ELSE: ohh
SOMEONE ELSE: on your left
SOMEONE ELSE: ow
SOMEONE ELSE: I’m Peter Parker
SOMEONE ELSE: ugh
SOMEONE ELSE: argh
SOMEONE ELSE: thwack
SOMEONE ELSE: zmfph
SOMEONE ELSE: oogh
SOMEONE ELSE: bluug
SOMEONE ELSE: ftzrrd

Yes, there is time travel. I’d like to travel back 181 minutes! This movie does have a gaggle of overpaid actors but lacks wit, heart, soul, beauty, a decent storyline, good acting, and the human touch. Snap. I give Avengers Endgame 1 out of 10 clicks of my fingers with the hope of making it disappear. Snap. Take that, Thanos. I was rooting for you.

MOVIE REVIEW. Mary Poppins Returns (2018) starring Emily Blunt. (Emily’s last name defines her approach playing Mary Poppins). Also, Lin-Manuel Miranda (beautiful smile) Ben Whishaw, Emily Mortimer, Julie Walters, Colin Firth, Meryl Streep, Angela Lansbury, and Dick Van Dyke! Julie Andrews was asked to play the Balloon Lady but graciously said, “No thank you. This is Emily’s film”. The film, introduces three new Banks children, played by Pixie Davies, Nathanael Saleh and Joel Dawson. (The children are terrific!) The film is set in 1930s depression-era London. The Banks family has fallen on hard times and are about to be foreclosed on! Oh, No!! Enter Mary Poppins. She’ll know what to do. And she’ll do it with joyful songs, bright colors, glorious dance, wit, humor and a Blunt style only Emily can bring. I give Mary Poppins Returns 4 out of 5 Spit-Spots. See it!

MOVIE REVIEW: The Mule (2018). Starring and directed by Clint Eastwood. Not a remake of Two Mules for Sister Sarah (1970). A swan song for Clint to be admired for a few reasons yet questioned for the sappy weak script. Clint plays Earl a gruffy dottering 90 year old World War II vet with great-grandchildren who has no criminal record yet becomes the number one drug runner for a Mexican cartel. Based on the true story of Leo Sharp. He hates people who are always on their cell phone. “That’s the problem with this generation — can’t open a fruit box without calling the internet.” The Mule brought Alison Eastwood (Clint’s daughter) out of retirement. We get to sing along with Clint as he drives his Ford pickup. Great product placement for Ford and Lincoln. Bradley Cooper plays the DEA agent assigned to stop The Mule. Bradley does not sing or dance. The DEA spent months investigating the Sinaloa cartel’s operation in the Detroit area, but the film was mostly shot in Augusta and Atlanta,Georgia. SPOILER ALERT: Diane Wiest is in the film as the angry ex-wife of Clint/Earl/Leo. She gets to play a good death scene. Unless you’re a true fan of Clint Eastwood I’d wait until this film is at the top of the Walmart DVD bin. I give The Mule 2 out of 7 Bricks of Cocaína.

MOVIE REVIEW: Once Upon a Time Deadpool (2018). Stay until the lights come on. Lots of post credit fun. Princess Bride, Fred Savage, unwillinglly reprises his role. This is a PG-13 retelling of Deadpool 2 released in May 2018. Marketing genius! I didn’t see Deadpool 2. Cameo appearances by Matt Damon and Brad Pitt. Please tell me when you see Brad Pitt. There’s lots of shout outs: Yentl and Dave Matthews to name two. Witty. Shameless. Clever. See it for the script … and CGI. Fun! SPOILER ALERT: This is a love story. I give Once Upon a Deadpool 4.8423 out of 5 Gender Neutral Super Heroes. PS: Did you know Ryan Reynolds was married to Scarlett Johansson? I did.

MOVIE REVIEW. At Eternity’s Gate (2018) starring Willem Dafoe as Vincent Van Gogh and directed by Julian Schnabel (a painter and filmmaker, worth a Google). The film could be titled, Eyeballs, due to the many long close ups of eyes. Lots of eyes! Makes sense since the film deals largely with the vision of an artist and specifically what does Vincent actually see. At Eternity’s Gate takes its name from a lithograph by Van Gogh. (See below) There is a bit of controversy, the film has Van Gogh being murdered but history suggests suicide. We know he was a disturbed individual who spent productive painting years in an asylum. “Maybe God made me a painter for people who aren’t born yet,” said Vincent. The film is an acting dream for Dafoe’s Van Gogh, who is likely to get an Oscar nomination. The film describes the struggles of the last few years of Van Gogh’s life while celebrating the beauty life offers as seen thru Van Gogh’s eyes. I give At Eternity’s Gate 4 out of 5 paint-filled brush strokes.

MOVIE REVIEW: Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)

Could be subtitled, “TEETH”, or “CATS” or “Self-hating Homosexuality”, or “Melancholy Darling”, or “Anachronisms Schmakchronisms”. The less one actually knows about the exploits of the uncompromising, dramatic, flamboyant, Freddie Mercury the more one is likely to enjoy this fabulous fable filled with frolicking fun and frustration. Doesn’t really matter but to a rock historian. This is not the place for the average fan to worry about fake news when watching the sure to get an Oscar nod, Rami Malek perform a high wire Freddie. This film depicts the struggles of a young man named Farrokh Bulsara who sheds his Indian Parsi tradition to become Freddie Mercury as told thru the eyes of two former band mates from Queen, Brian May and Roger Taylor, who helped produce the film. Mike Myers is in it too! “The radio jocks won’t play a six minute song. Period!” He lived to regret those words. What resonates loudly and greatly is the music and the way the band created their sounds. This film will rock you with a crazy little thing called love in the form of a Bohemian Rhapsody. I give this film 4 out of 5 Champions of the World.

MOVIE REVIEW: Widows (2018). It’s usually a good signal that a movie is providing proper stimuli when an audience actually supplies audio in the form of gasps, shrieks, hoots, and hollers. My audience was on top of their game! I was as entertained by my bunch as much as the film itself. Widows is much more than a heist movie with double crosses, chase scenes, conniving, snafus, and plot twists. Widows is also about desperation, relationships, politics, religion (evil religion), corruption, and a stellar cast starring Viola Davis, Michelle Rodriguez, Elizabeth Debicki, Liam Neeson, and Robert Duvall. Directed by Steve McQueen! I give Widow 4 out of 5 Dead Husbands. I give my audience 5 out of 5 STFUs.

MOVIE REVIEW: Green Book (2018) A Peter Farrelly Film based on a true story of racial prejudice and friendship starring Viggo Mortensen as Tony and Mahershala Ali (Moonlight) as the African-American pianist Dr. Don Shirley. Set in the early 1960s mostly on music tour in the deep south. Green Book is an actual book that lists which hotels Negros may or may not stay. The film follows Tony and the Doc on their road trip from gig to gig where they confront racism, intolerance, loneliness, gayness, segregation, and a new better understanding of love and life lessons. Another sure fire Oscar contender. Uplifting, heartbreaking, tear-maker, triumphant, lovely in every way. Should be required viewing for all MoFo Trump supporters. I give Green Book 6 out of 5 “Because you can do better, Tony.”

MOVIE REVIEW. Manakawana (2013). If you’re looking for song and dance, fast and furious, murder mystery, a chick flick, or a bio pic, then Manakawana is not for you. But, if you’re looking for voyeurism in cable car rides up and down bumpy cables in the Naplaise Mountains enroute to the Great Temple Manakawana, home of the Hindu Goddess Bhagwati, then take a two hour break from your busy life and chillax with Manakawana! This western reviewer has learned that Mana means ‘heart’ and Kamana means ‘to yearn’. The Goddess Bhagwati has the power to grant your wishes! The film documents nine excursions to and from the mountain top and we’re on each! The viewer sits opposite the riders to watch their every move and hear every word. As we ride, I thought such a metaphor for life is the cable ride up and down the mountain. Sorta like Sisyphus and his rock, only more beautiful and you can actually exit the cable car. SPOILER ALERTS: In an action scene, two people eat ice cream bars on the way up! In another ride up are four goats tied to each other. Presumably, they’re to be sacrificed. What? No sacrificial lamb? Nope. Goats. As a westerner, I say such beautiful scenery. I wondered if the Nepalese think, ‘Ho hum’? Nope, they seemed impressed too. This is observational documentary filmmaking at the highest level! I give Manakawana 4 out of 5 love-filled Goddess kisses. 👄😘

MOVIE REVIEW: The Book Thief (2013) as told by Death. Not to be confused with The Bicycle Thief, It Takes a Thief, The Icicle Thief, or The Good Thief. The Book Thief is a love story that begins in 1938 Germany staring, Emily Watson not to be confused with Emma Watson, Geoffrey Rush not to be confused with Rush Limbaugh, Sophie Nélisse a real life 13 year old with beautiful blue eyes and well-styled hair and her yellow-hair love interest, Nico Liersch, another real life 13 year old. The Book Thief will steal your heart and cause water to run off your cheek. Of course it is a bit cheeky but well worth a lazy Wednesday afternoon. The Book Thief will tell you she does not steal, she only borrows. I give it 4 out of 5 library cards.

MOVIE REVIEW: American Hustle (2013). This is the third breakout movie for Amy Adams but this is her first film about corruption in politics where Amy is breaks out of her dresses – all of them. She proves she is not a boob but has two. If you think this critic is superficial, crass, boorish, and boyish, you’re right. We no longer think of Amy Adams as the little singing princess from Disney’s Enchanted nor do we think of her as whatever she was in Junebug. No. We now know Amy Adams can sing, dance, act, and look good doing so even when Jennifer Lawrence is on the screen face to face with Amy. Take that Hunger Game Girl. American Hustle is a combination of Keystone Cops meets All The Kings Men. Or, to put it another way, The Keystone Cops meets All The Presidents Men. The movie tells the bungling tale of the true FBI Abscam investigation of the late 70’s and early 80’s in which a large handful of corrupt politicians get busted for taking bribes – all Democrats too. Fun for the whole family. Editors note: trim 58 minutes and you’d have a great short story. Oh, Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper and Louis C.K. are in the flick too. I give American Hustle 3 out of 5 Bustles.

MOVIE REVIEW: Nebraska (2013). I agree with Lucy! I liked it!! I’ve been through Nebraska on a road trip and hope I don’t need to return… This comedy/drama stars Bruce Dern as the elderly, boozer, ingenuous, ornery, giving, sad and confused Woody Grant whose delusions of winning big money give him false hope; June Squibb plays his long suffering cantankerous wife; and Will Forte plays their son, David, who delivers a wide-eyed but somewhere/somehow damaged view of life probably a result of living in Nebraska. Nebraska is shot in the poetic power of black and white that highlights the sad but touching lives of those in Nebraska. (Trivia: a color version was made too). Lots of good dialogue but one notable exchange toward the end:

Receptionist: Does he have Alzheimer’s?

David Grant: No, he just believes what people tell him.

Receptionist: That’s too bad.

Which may further suggest an unspoken theme surrounding the unhappy lives of those who subscribe to religion, false dreams, greed, and oh so much more…

Directed by Alexander Payne (Sideways, The Descendants)

I give Nebraska a “Grand Prize Winner!”

If you liked Lillian Hellman’s The Little Foxes then you’ll love the Pulitzer Prize winning play turned movie – August: Osage County (2013)! The opening line says, “Life is very long.” Not so with this flick, time flew by as we watch the dark, funny, and touching story of the strong but dysfunctional characters of the Weston family, whose lives have diverged until a death in the family reunites them in the Oklahoma town where they grew up. Meryl Steep, who plays Violet Wetson, offers her 18^th Oscar nominated performance as the drug dependent sardonic matriarch rightly detested by her children. Julia Roberts is great too! So is everyone one else in the cast! Ensemble acting at its best. Screenplay by the guy who wrote the stage play: Tracy Letts. I give August: Osage County an overdose of 5 Oxycontins!

MOVIE REVIEW. The Muppets Most Wanted (2014) is marvelous Muppet mayhem. More Muppetier than previous Muppet movies. Constantine, the world’s number one criminal and his evil partner in crime, Dominic Badguy, the world’s number two criminal (Ricky Gervais) plot to steal the Crown Jewels but need the help of the unwitting Muppets. The movie also stars Tina Fey as Nadya the Russian prison guard, and Ty Burrell as Interpol agent Jean Pierre Napoleon. Also appearing are: Ray Liotta, Danny Trejo, and Jemaine Clement, with cameos by Salma Hayek, Christoph Waltz, Chloe Grace Moretz, Saoirse Ronan, Lady Gaga, Tony Bennett and many more. Happy songs. Dazzling dance numbers. Terrific tributes. All in a day’s work when one is a Muppet. Spoiler alert: Miss Piggy and Kermie get married again! “Good night, Danny Trejo!”

MOVIE REVIEW: SPY (2015). Spy will make you cry. Cry with laughter! Ha ha ha ha he he he he ho ho ho ho. . . (like that). Melissa McCarthy, Jason Statham, Jude Law, Alsion Janney, and Rose Byrne along with others whose name I don’t know turn in great performances in this wonderful spy action comedy. There’s even a location in Varna, Bulgaria! There has never been a movie like this since Abbott and Costello Join the CIA. There has never been a movie Abbott and Costello Join the CIA either. One big romp of a good time and a big budget too. Make Paul Feig (writer and director) happy and go see spy and have a good cry. I give Spy 4 out of 5 “Shaken, not Stirred’s”

MOVIE REVIEW: STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON (2015). If you missed Dr. Dre’s first album in 16 years or the sky writing and social media marketing campaigns or the thousands of other effective marketing gimmicks, you may have missed Straight Outta Compton (2015). It’s not too late. Go see it.

Straight Outta Compton tells the story of young Ice Cube, Dr. Dre, Easy-E, and the evil white guy manager Jerry Heller, played by, who else, Paul Giamatti. The real Jerry Heller is not happy with his portrayal. These young men without realizing what they began revolutionized angry lyrics and created what became known as Rap or Hip Hop. They refused to stay quiet in the face of bigoted police. They refused to be polite in the face of a world intent on keeping them down. They formed NWA (Niggas With Attitude). The acting is suburb. Storyline is great. The music is a lesson. I give Straight Outta Compton 4 out of 5 Swaggers.

MOVIE REVIEW: Phoenix (2015). Phoenix is the bar in the rubble of 1945 Berlin and the representation of our heroine (Nelly) who rises from the ashes of Auschwitz to undergo reconstructive plastic surgery to remake her war-torn, bloody, gunshot face.

The pace is slow which is good because it gave me plenty of time to read the English subtitles. The drama is bleak yet preposterous. It is absolutely unbelievable.

After the surgery, Nelly seeks her long lost husband Johnny (who thinks she’s dead) but Nelly doesn’t look the same as before the surgery so Johnny doesn’t recognize her but convinces her to pretend she is his wife so he can collect part of her inheritance. Oh, and Nelly helps create a Jewish state out of Palestine. Sounds far-fetched? It is. Johnny is a jerk too. But, did Johnny betray Nelly to the Nazi’s? Good question. Phoenix leaves lots to the imagination, like I was imagining me wishing I were watching another movie. Wait for Redbox to deliver. I give Phoenix 1 out 5 dead Nazi’s.

MOVIE REVIEW: Sicario (2015). Staring Benicio Del Toro, Emily Blunt, Josh Brolin. Great opening when a SWAT truck crashes through a front wall of a drug lords house where they discover 40 decomposing bodies hidden in the walls. And then, the explosion.

Sicario means “hit man” or “assassin”. This is a good crime thriller posing as a morality play. The acting is superb. Emily Blunt plays Kate, a by-the-book FBI agent who is eventually convinced (recruited) to team up with Josh Brolin and everybody’s favorite hit-man, Benny the Bull (Sicario himself).

Tense, suspenseful, horrifying imagery . . . yet a beautiful movie. How should we deal with drug lords? Is there a better way “to keep order”? Scicaro ponders these questions in a wonderfully shot and told storyline. I give Scicaro 5 out of 5 legal kilos.

MOVIE REVIEW: The Martian (2015). Nearly a remake of Home Alone except The Martian is not a bratty 8-year-old but a well-trained astronaut with a great sense of the Irish. (He grows potatoes on Mars). Not since Ray Walston stared in “My Favorite Martian” (TV show I watched during the 60s) have I liked a Martian so much. Matt Damon stars as Mark Watney, the unfortunate soul who is left for dead on Mars after he is harpooned through his space suit in the gut by a metal antenna during a violent Mars storm. No child left behind?

Watney is alone on the red-dusted planet Mars. He is the first person to do anything alone on Mars. If he is to survive he needs to think and act cuz it will be 4 years before rescue.

I saw it in 3D. More predictable than suspenseful. Droll.The space ship that turns around to rescue Watney is named, Hermes, in honor of Greek the Greek god described as a trickster, god of trade, thieves, travelers, sports, athletes, border crossings, and guide to places unknown.

The Martin also shows us once again that even NASA can not complete a mission without duct tape.

The Martin is directed by Ridley Scott, stars Matt Damon, and has NASA wondering how and why Kristin Wigg got to be in this movie.

The ending is a good smile maker.

I give The Martin 3.5 out of 5 Sols.

MOVIE REVIEW: Everest (2015). “Based on a true story.” Over 200 people have died trying to get to the top since Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay first did in 1953. Corpses still lay on the path to the summit. If you were born after 1980 you may not have any knowledge of the true life, harrowing, tragic day on Mount Everest that occurred on May 10, 1996 when eight people were struck and killed by a blizzard on their decent from the summit. The movie ‘Everest’ is another controversial account of five of the dead.

Why would anyone pay $65,000 (1996 dollars) to climb to the top? There are no guarantees. “Everest” attempts to answer that. Filmed in Imax 3-D, the movie is a pig trough of human agony and ego driven deadly mistakes. A powerful experience that hits your gut like too much popcorn but worse.

“Everest” focuses on two of the many teams that were trying to summit that day. One led by Rob Hall from New Zealand (played by Jason Clarke, who?) a by the by-the-book mountaineer, and the other team led by American Scott Fischer (Jake Gyllenhaal, yes, THAT Jake Gyllenhaal), a hippy type, laid-back, boozing, mountain man. As in real life, Rob Hall’s team included the outdoor writer Jon Krakauer, who wrote a 1997 bestseller about the tragedy, “Into Thin Air.” The many real life people who meet their tragic death are enough to bring a tear down your cheek. This is not a feel-good movie. We know they die before we sit down to watch. However, this is a well-told story even if the real life people portrayed disagree . . . and they do. Sad Trivia: 16 sherpas were killed last year in an avalanche on Everest’s West Shoulder.

Why do people climb? “Because it’s there.” Why do people go to movies? “Because we’d rather watch.”

I give Everest 3 out of 5 frost-bitten fingers.

MOVIE REVIEW – What Happened, Miss Simone? (2015). A riviting documentary about the troubled life and challenging times of Eunice Waymon, aka Nina Simone (“High Priestess of Soul”) by one of my favorite documentarians, Liz Garbus. We learn much about Miss Simone, including she had classical piano training as a child (and she was good!). Her dream was to be the first black woman classical pianist to play Carnegie Hall. Her talented musicianship allowed her to arrange songs like no other. She loved Bach. Her husband, a former Sargent in the NYPD who became her manager, beat her severely. She endured racism of the deep south as a child in the 30s and 40s. She carried her rage and emotional pain into her song writing, her performances, and throughout her life. She was a loud angry champion of civil rights. She suffered her entire life with what would eventually be diagnosed as manic depression. We see rare concert footage and get to read excerpts from Nina’s journals and letters. This doc is lovingly produced by Miss Simone’s daughter, Broadway actress Lisa Simone Kelly who gives articulate and charming yet heartfelt narration and insight into her complex mom. Miss Simone’s songlist includes: To Be Yong Gifted and Black, Sinner Man, Little Girl Blue, I Loves You Porgy, My Baby Just Cares For Me, Don’t Let Me be Misunderstood. … I give What Happened, Miss Simone? 5 out of 5 Hypnotic Tonalities. On Netflix. Watch it!

MOVIE REVIEW– Room (2015). Potent. Emotionally intense. Visceral. Horrific. Yet, a feel good movie!

Room opens with Ma (Brie Larson) and her 5yr old son Jack (Jacob Tremblay, actual age 9) living in “Room” displaying an awkward, surreal, stressed, happiness of a mother and her boy who have adapted. Jack knows no other life but the 11’x11′ fortified shed known as Room, where Ma and Jack are prisoners. Their only visitor is Old Nick, their captor. Old Nick rapes Ma while Jack sleeps in the closet. Often. But never graphic or seen on screen. Intense.

Room is chillingly, frighteningly, yet tenderly, narrated by Jack. Jack has never been outside Room and struggles with different realities of TV, the real world, and the concept of outside.

Brie Larson and Jacob Tremeblay are amazingly good together!

Based on a novel that’s loosely based on the Fritzl Case.

See it. I give Room 4.8 out of 5 Powers of Samson’s hair.

MOVIE REVIEW — The Big Short (2015). Not since The Big Sleep, or The Big Lewbowski, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, or even Big, has the word “big” been used so effectively in a movie title. It’s big, and most people haven’t a clue.

The Big Short delves into the real world complexities of the financial fiasco that was years in the making and hit the wall in 2008. Events unprecedented in global finacial stresses.

Yet, this is a dark (or at least opaque) comedy starring Steve Carell, Christian Bale, Ryan Gosling, Melissa Leo, Marisa Tomei, and Brad Pitt.

Directed and witten by Adam McKay who is also the co-founder of Funny or Die. This is his first flick that didn’t star Will Farrell. Good too!

So, how do you make a satisfying movie that explains collateralized debt? I don’t know. But Margot Robbie and Selena Gomez do when they break the forth wall and speak directly to us with their simple explanations of complex issues.

The Big Short is based on a non-fiction book by Michael Lewis called The Big Short: Inside the Doomsday Machine about the disastrous rise of the housing and credit bubble during the 2000s.

I give The Big Short 3.7 out of 5 Broken Bubbles. Netflix.

MOVIE REVIEW — The Revenant (2015). Could also be titled Lazarus Returns Again and Again. Cinematography is beautifully shot using only natural outdoor lighting that make the magnificent snow-capped mountains, the wintery evergreens, and the icy streams, more glorious if not forebodingly eery. It’s cold. Always very cold.

Mostly starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hardy. Directed by Birdman, Alejandro G. Iñárritu’s. (Check those diacritical marks.)

The Revenant is an unbelievable tale of survival, revenge, love, betrayal, honor, an angry bear, soliders, Indians, murder, and the ability to build a campfire in the snow. I mean under any weather conditions there was a campfire.

A frontiersman named Hugh Glass (Leo) is on a fur trading expedition in the 1820s in the American Rockies where he is left for dead, after being viciously mauled by a grizzly. Hugh shows us stamina and courage unlike anything anyone has ever witnessed (except for Pataki as a GOP candidate) (Who?) (kidding) (ha) (ha) (ha).

There is also a spiritual side to The Revenant: What motivates us? Is there God? Spirits? Is revenge the right thing to do? The Revenant is based on a supposedly true novel conveniently titled, The Revenant. There are so many unbelievable outrageous misfortunes that befall our hero Hugh Glass we begin to wonder how many quarts of blood does a human have?

I liked it! See it in the theater!

I give The Revenant 4.2 out 5 Bear Claws.

MOVIE REVIEW — The Danish Girl (2015). The Danish Girl begins as a light fun romance between beautiful young newlyweds — the artists Einar (Eddie Redmayne) and Gerda Wegener (Alicia Vikander). Based on the real life of real people who actually lived during the cusp of the 20th century.

Lili Ilse Elvenes, better known as Lili Elbe (December 28, 1882 — September 13, 1931), was a Danish transgender woman (male to female) and one of the first identifiable recipients of sex reassignment surgery. [Google.] They actually transplanted a uterus! The Danish Girl tells the story of Einar becoming Lili.

If you think sex reassignment surgery is difficult today, imagine being the first to seek medical guidance only to be confronted by an ignorant medical profession who sought to cure you with a labotomy, diagnosed you with schizophrenia, committed you to an insane asylum where you endured electroshocks before finding a doctor who understood what you were trying to describe.

This story is not Lili’s alone. Einar was married to Gerda. It’s Gerda’s tale too. Gerda is played magnificently by the Swedish actress Alicia Vikander. She’s a star. We already know Eddie Redmayne is a star (The Theory of Everything) and he proves it again in the Danish Girl.

The love story of Gerda, Einar, and Lili is sensitive, touching, challenging, compelling, and heartbreaking. If you’re looking for a high energy action-packed Bond-like film, go elsewhere.

The Danish Girl is a quiet story of two people who become three. Then . . .

I give The Danish Girl 3.9 out of 5 Ruby Red Lips.

MOVIE REVIEW — Youth (2015). Starring Michael Caine, Harvey Keitel, Rachel Weisz, Paul Dano, Jane Fonda, and an actress who plays a smart naked Miss Universe who the Harvey and Michael characters call God.

Youth could be titled Grumpy Old Men meet Hot Tub Time Machine as it explores in paralytic fashion the complexities of old age and the freedom of youth. The movie is stunningly framed cinematically as if one were in a great museum contemplating the masters. Youth wants us to contemplate our emotions. Are emotions over-rated or are emotions all there is? The cast is good but the script is contrived, trite, and seems pushed.

Youth is slow and wierd but the good kind. If I wasn’t in a movie theater I wouldn’t have made it to the end. Glad I was in a movie theater.

I give Youth 3.2 out of 5 Old Man Pee Drops.

MOVIE REVIEW – Ghostbusters (2016). Move over buster, women are here to trap new and familar ghosts, get green slimed, keep us entertained, and save New York City in this raucous romp of a resplendent revival.

Who ya gonna call? Kristin Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones, and playing the dumb blond, Chris Hemsworth (who has a dog named Mike Hat). (There is also a face-bidet joke.)

Snarky, spooky, witty, silly, visually entertaining, and filled with smile-making cameos, omages, nods, and tips of the hat to the original Ghostbusters, other movies, New York City and more.

Many think Kate McKinnon has a breakout role whose trajectory will send her to movie stardom. But, if you’ve seen SNL, you’ve seen her schtick. It’s good schtick, but familiar schtick it is.

Directed by Paul Figg.
Written by Paul Figg and Kate Dippold (Google them).

Executive Producer, Dan Aykroyd

I give Ghostbusters 4 out of 5 Class V Ectoplasmic manifestations.

MOVIE REVIEW. Black Mass (2015) is the true account of Jimmy “Whitey” Bulger, but you better not call him Whitey. The film, based on the book, Black Mass, Whitey Bulger, the FBI, and the Devil’s Deal — tells the story about Whitey Bulger, the brother of a powerful Massachusetts state senator and the most infamous violent criminal in the history of South Boston, who formed an “alliance” with the FBI to rid South Boston of a Mafia family invading his territory.

Great cast including Johnny Depp as Bulger, and Benedict Cumberbatch, Joel Edgerton, Kevin Bacon, Dakota Johnson, and more.

Scott Cooper directs, (Out Of The Furnace). I never heard of it either.

Great crime flick with meyhem, malace, and murders.

Whitey Bulger is still 86 years alive serving two life sentences plus 5 years. He was captured after 12 yrs on the lam outside his California condo. Nearly $900,000 was found in the walls.

I give Black Mass 4 out of 5 Mia Gulpas.

MOVIE REVIEW. The Hateful Eight (2015). No previews before the film began. Straight to the ominous overture by Ennio Morricone.

Tarantino strikes again. That’s strike as in bowling not baseball. Or strikes, like a match that sets fire to the hateful bloody racism that still burns in America. Tarantino writes another great script and directs with the taught tension of a Steinway piano string. Georgously filmed in Ultra Panavision 70 (70mm) which hasn’t been used since the 60s.

Tarantino has lots to say in his parlor room mystery set in Minnie’s Haberdashery (hats not aloud to be worn) during a blizzard in the hills of Wyoming around 1892. Tarantino is not timid or quiet or tidy. He’s bold, bloody, and extra bloody.

The usual cast of characters all play perfectly together.

Plus a movie program too! 3hrs with intermission.

I give The Hateful Eight 100mm out of 70.

See it in a 70mm theater if you can.

MOVIE REVIEW. BEANPOLE (2019)

Breathe.

Beanpole is art.

Beanpole evokes haunting, disturbing, provocative, and a gasping mix of emotions as seen through exquisitely long scenes with the intense stark intimacy of cracked-lip closeups of two women struggling to find humanity in the bleak ravaged vestiges of war torn Leningrad.

If you don’t breathe you suffocate. And, Beanpole takes your breath away with its powerful and pessimistic depiction of the hellacious realities that war can cause on the behavior of broken people who can’t catch their breath or a break.

Yet, Beanpole offers hope, understanding, and even appreciation for the animals humans can actually be during the savagery and atrocities of war. Beanpole makes the struggle to find a more peaceful life real.

Beanpole is art by how it’s shot, acted, directed, written and the manner by which the story explores morality, authority, survival, sexuality, and the desire to live a better life even if it means to create hopeful individual internal narratives that may only be fantasies. Yet, it’s our imagination that compels us to breathe freely and seek a better more peaceful life.

I liked it. I give Beanpole 4.5 out of fully baked Legumes.

Stay well! ✌🏽❤🙂😷🙏🏽

MOVIE REVIEW. Frida (2002).
Courage, pain, talent, determination, politics, philosophy, tragedy, and fiery spunk are beautifully captured with an artistic flair by Selma Hayak in her portrayal of Frieda Kahol, panzon lover. A film by Julie Traymor.

I particularly enjoyed how Traymor brought Frida’s stylized paintings to life during Frida’s more troubled moments — Henry Ford Hospital, Frida and Diego, Frida and Kong, Self-portrait Cropped Hair, to name a few.

The film is as much about the tumultuous relationship Frida had through most of her adult life with the philandering yet successful artist Diego Rivera (Panzon) as it is Frida. She was with him when he received his commissions from Edsel Ford to paint the Detroit Industry Murals. (Much more impressive to see in person.) She was there when Diego’s 30 Rock tussle with Nelson Rockefeller exploded over who owns art. Turns out the one with the money owns the art. Diego was angry that day.

On one of the many days Diego was feeling pretty good with himself he boasted to Frida after receiving another high-priced commission, “I can’t help it if the rich have good taste.” To which Frida responded, “The rich don’t hire you because you are good. They hire you because you assuage their sense of guilt. And you’re too vein to see it.”

Just a couple weeks ago Christie’s auction house sold its first purely digital artwork for a record $69 million. The highest price ever paid for a nonfungible token. Titled, “Everydays: The First 5000 Days,” by Mike Winkelmann, aka Beeple.

Ahh, the rich. Where’s Trotsky when you need him? Oh, right, ice pick to the skull. Frida enjoyed her time with him too.

And when Diego and Frida’s sister were caught by Frida getting frisky, after an emotional outburst Frida later lamented to Diego, “There have been two big accidents in my life. The trolly and you. You are by far the worst.”

Yes, it’s another love story.

I liked it. I give Frida 1 out of 1 Unibrows.

MOVIE REVIEW. Inception (2010) by Ken Hurley

If I didn’t know otherwise I might conclude that Inception took its storyline from that popular 50s hit song made famous by The Everly Brothers, “All I Have To Do Is Dream” that goes like this:

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream

When I want you in my arms

When I want you and all your charms

Whenever I want you, all I have to do is

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream”

Inception shows us how difficult it can be to know if something is real or just another wonderful dream. Or, is it a nightmare? Generally, the content of our dreams reflects the contents of our life experiences. I love my dreams. I often find them preferable to reality.

I am also reminded of the Tempest, by the Bard when in Act IV, Scene 1, the Magician, Prospero says, “We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.”

Christopher Nolan’s Inception is a chilling, action-packed, mind-bending, sci-fi, corporate espionage, who-done-it, suspenseful, what-now, love story.

Boy and girl get married. Girl dies. Boy and girl live happily ever after. Or, do they? Is it real? Or a dream? And, what about the children?

And, the wobbly spinning top?

Can we choose our realities? Can our realities be chosen for us?

What if I told you our lead character, Dom Cobb, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, is an expert thief who specializes in the telepathic theft of other people’s secrets and ideas he finds in their dreams while they sleep?

Yeesss. Go on.

What if I told you that our crafty protagonist can also plant ideas in our dreams? Aye, but that’s the inception and that’s where parallel reality can be a tad stressful when one can live in both even to the point of suicide to prove you are in reality and not in a dream. Poor Mal. Side note: Mal in Spanish means evil or bad. In French, wrong.

Ariadne, played by Ellen Page, the young naive architect hired by Dom to design three dream layer mazes on the Fischer inception, is so confused she wonders aloud, “Wait! Whose subconscious are we going after again?” Which in turn causes our clever protagonist, Dom, to muse, “An idea is like a virus. Resilient. Highly contagious. Like a virus. The smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define or destroy you.”

What if I told you that this reviewer is not that interested in a stroll through the mind of most people with the effort to steal thoughts, ideas, or dreams. But there’s a market for it! Especially, if one could successfully and consistently plant useful ideas in the mind of another while they sleep. Mind control? A new super power — Persuasion Man!

So much of our dreams happen in microseconds as witnessed when the van falls agonizingly slowly from the bridge. Dreams seem to operate on a different time continuum than our understanding of reality.

What is real and what is a projection?

Can we choose our realities? Can we choose our dreams?

SPOILER ALERT! (Never mind, you already watched this flick.) At the end of “Inception,” Dom finally returns home to his children after spending near eternity in the dream world. Or so we think. Dom carries a little top with him. If the top keeps spinning, that means he is in a dream. If the top topples that means he is back in reality. (It’s dreamy.) The final shot shows the top as it spins and wobbles, but doesn’t reveal whether it topples.

So, dream or reality? And if both are desired why should it matter?

Inception is filled with good movie chase scenes, crashes, explosions, extractions, interrogations, heartbreak, longing, despair, puzzlement, acting, dialog, and … it’s a love story.

Written and directed by the amazing Christopher Nolan. Great cinematography and FX too.

I liked it! I give Inception 4.3 out of 5 Freud model couches. 🛋

Stay well! Sweet dreams! 😷

MOVIE REVIEW. Notorious (1946) by Ken Hurley

A disgraced daughter of a Nazi spy is used to trap other Nazis before they destroy the world with an atomic bomb. It’s a love story! 💘

Boys from Brazil meet Alexei Navalny who would blush to meet the stunningly beautiful and talented Ingrid Bergman as Alicia Huberman. She’s notorious. (Scandalous too.) She acts rings around her lover-boy co-star, Cary Grant. Cary can’t carry Ingrid’s water. But they sure can kiss! 💋

The more significant co-star with Ingrid Berman is the producer / director, Alfred Hitchcock. His suspenseful, beautifully crafted, visually compelling, cinematic storytelling shines throughout Notorious.

The slow pullback at the corporate conference table. The foreshadowing of the champagne bottle. The gloriously forbidding entrance down the staircase by the Nazi mom Anna Sebastian played by the renowned Leopoldine Konstantin. The reflection in the binoculars at the racetrack. The removal of the Unica key off the key ring. The manipulation of the Unica key behind back of polite Nazi Alex Sebastian (played by the “usual suspects” Claude Raines). The amazing slow pan-in shot from atop the banister to reveal the Unica key in her hand. (Done prior to the advent of reflexive cameras too!) The depth of focus trick used to keep the demitasse cup in focus with the rest of the shot. And, their kisses 💋! (Such kiiiissss.) With clever two second edits and a cut-and-return to the kiss-and-nuzzle, Hitchcock skirted the Hays Code and their overreaching puritanical pretense of moral certitude which included banning “lustful kissing”. Bring on the lust! And, then, the brilliant visuals and editing when the content of the champagne bottle is accidently discovered. Slow is good when it comes to suspense. That brilliance is furthered when it’s discovered that the contents of the champagne bottle was discovered! Suspense? Yup.

Scripwriter Ben Hecht wrote a great script as shown in a tense conversation when polite Nazi, Alex Sebastian, sheepishly confesses to his Nazi mom, “I am married to an American agent.” Nazi mom considers the situation and says, “They won’t find out. They are protected by the enormity of your stupidity.” A smile maker of a line in a serious film where Uranium is the object of a spy’s desire. (Except for those kisses 💋!) Interestingly, Notorious was released only one year after we nuked Japan. Twice.

Of course, what’s an espionage Spy v. Spy flick without a trio of lovers? And, poison! Perhaps, evil Putin watched Nazi mom in action? Notorious!

In the end it’s all about love 💘.

I’m no Hitchcock expert but I know why he earned the title, Master of Suspense. He deserves it.

I liked it! I give Notorious 92 out of 118 atomic numbers!

Stay well ✌🏽❤🙂😷

MOVIE REVIEW: Vice (2018). By Ken Hurley.

The title warns us of abhorrent, immoral, wicked behavior about to unfold. Based on a factual retelling (omissions excluded) of how Dick Cheney became Darth Vader and helped pave the way for the Orange Cheeto. Vice is a dark forbidding film laced with humor and edits that make this flick entertaining and a must-see. Christian Bale as Dick will certainly get an Oscar nod. You won’t nod off watching Amy Adams as Lynne Cheney either. She deserves a nod too. Vice tells their story. As with nearly all great evil somewhere there is a show of compassion. Enter Mary Cheney the lesbian daughter. Dick defends her. Lynne nope. Stay for the scenes during the credits. My entire audience left to early. Dopes. I give Vice 4.5 out of 5 heart attacks. (Dick Cheney had five heart attacks and one heart transplant.)

MOVIE REVIEW. ALIENS (1986) aka DROOL. by Ken Hurley

Ellen Ripley is groggy after sleeping 57 years only to awake to a crack team of space force marines who are sent to battle a group of Aliens and the wicked Alien Mom. Aliens is a great sequel because it brings all the events of the original Alien while it expands on all the ideas and themes simultaneously differentiating itself. Yay! (You try that.)

James Cameron proves himself a master in his third directorial effort. The shattered skeleton of the Battersea Power Station is used to create the vast industrial ghetto colony hive setting for events where an army of ruthless unbeatable killing machines wander around doing what they do best with their Mom and lots of drool.

Mr. Cameron also wrote this classic non-drivel. The planet LV-426, where the first Alien was unwittingly discovered has been colonized by the Nostromo’s mother company Weyland-Yutani. And now communication has been lost. (No cell signals either.) Time to send in a crack team of space marines and enlist the help of a traumatized Ripley. This is a war movie fused beautifully with science fiction staring, Sigourney Weaver as Ripley. It’s all about Ripley. (Side note: Our son named our cat Ripley as a nod to Ellen Ripley.) It is her resourcefulness and ability to rationalize the crisis that enables survival. (A little bit like our cat.) Ripley has courage, wits, good looks and brains. (Not like our cat. RIP.)

Terror. Sheer terror is even better. Aliens delivers shadowy “look out behind you” tension with fast-paced yet slow, unrelenting, sweaty-palmed, intense sense of doom, gloom, and peril too.

Aliens asks the thematic question clearly on everyone’s mind: What if a lifeform was so skilled at survival it became the perfect killing machine; even earning a degree of Darwinisitic respect from its prey? The monster mom is pure in its desire to live. “You don’t see them fucking each other over for a goddamn percentage,” says Ripley. It’s metaphoric war between a dominant hermaphroditc erection and our lovely smart feminist heroine. Ripley defending her child Newt; and the Mom Alien avenging her children is summed up in Ripley’s gentle admonition, “Get away from her, you bitch!” The movie asks, can we see both sides? Can we feel empathy for the Mom Alien? Well, can we? Maybe, sympathy?

Aliens set, construction of action scenes, its well-crafted tension and its final execution of battle is a wonder to behold — which among most alive humans provokes a visceral reaction in ways only good movie making can do.

I liked it. I give Aliens 6.3 out of 7 spit balls. 😱👽👻😷😇

ALL AVENGERS: Avengers Assemble

SOMEONE: We can do this

SOMEONE ELSE: You got this

SOMEONE ELSE: Argh

SOMEONE ELSE: Watch out

SOMEONE ELSE: hwmfp

SOMEONE ELSE: ugh

THANOS: I am inevitable

SOMEONE ELSE: ouch

SOMEONE ELSE: eeee

SOMEONE ELSE: ohh

SOMEONE ELSE: on your left

SOMEONE ELSE: ow

SOMEONE ELSE: I’m Peter Parker

SOMEONE ELSE: ugh

SOMEONE ELSE: argh

SOMEONE ELSE: thwack

SOMEONE ELSE: zmfph

SOMEONE ELSE: oogh

SOMEONE ELSE: bluug

SOMEONE ELSE: ftzrrd

Yes, there is time travel. I’d like to travel back 181 minutes! This movie does have a gaggle of overpaid actors but lacks wit, heart, soul, beauty, a decent storyline, good acting, and the human touch. Snap. I give Avengers Endgame 1 out of 10 clicks of my finger with the hope of making it disappear. Snap. Take that, Thanos. I was rooting for you.

MOVIE REVIEW. Hillbilly Elegy (2020). Based on Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis (2016). It’s a memoir, by J. D. Vance. I think he misspelled Eulogy. If it weren’t for all the cussin’ and Netflix this would be a made for TV Monday Night at the Movies with commercials that you wouldn’t watch.

If you do, watch it for Amy Adams and Glenn Close. Opie Directs. I liked it! I give Hillbilly Elegy 2.3 out of 5 Meemaws. 📽🎬🎥🚽😒

MOVIE IMPRESSIONS by Ken Hurley. Certified Copy (2011).

“Forget the Original, just get a good copy.” Or, the false and the genuine meet a wise and kind barista.

But, what does the barista whisper when she is full back to the camera? Does she reveal the secret of her contentment? Mums the word!

Art itself may have have little to no immutable truths but like the reflexive mirrors in Abbas Kiarostami’s cameras, art offers a direct view of what one chooses to see. Art can be the mirror that reflects our relationships.

“The human race forgot the meaning of life. The whole point is to have pleasure.” Says the brooding, pensive, self-absorbed, and nonchalant, James Miller, who looks like he has struggled with the absence of joy for years.

Are there copies, certified or other, that are worth more than the original? Yes. Some song recordings, some books, maybe even you are worth more than the original! Original what? Exactly.

When She shows James the “original copy” portrait of the woman in the museum, their barely seen reflection in the glass indicates they too may be “original copies” seeing reflections of their past in new light.

“The copy itself has worth because it leads us to the original.” Says James. Yet he doesn’t tell us how.

When James said, “There is nothing simple about being simple,” I nodded in agreement. She asks James, “Where is the line between being a simple person and a simple mind?” Turns out there is no simple answer. The difficulty of his simple remark is later proven when She is asked by James a simple question, “Why did you fall asleep?!” Was her response genuine? Was she asleep or “dozing?” Or, was she ill?

“I didn’t mean to sound so cynical, but when I saw all their hopes and dreams in their eyes, I just couldn’t support their illusion.” James says as he watches a bride and groom fawn over each other.

After counseled by a stranger James finally offers her the simple gesture of placing his arm around her as they stroll. But his gesture was fleeting.

Cetified Copy is shot with several gloriously long takes and close-ups where the characters speak to us directly through the camera lens. There are moments we are them. We enjoy the car ride through the beautiful countryside of Tuscany where everyone stops for espresso on their way to get a coffee.

Certified Copy is certifiably a beautiful yet strained love story of presumption, perspective, awareness, confusion, reflection, reconciliation, patience, self-examination, recovery, hopes, the need to be me, and art. “If we were just a bit more tolerant of each other’s weaknesses we would be less alone,” She gently muses to James.

For those who believe that life’s goal is a quest for constant clarity, originality, and authentication, then Certified Copy is likely a long ambigious slog toward frustration. However, Certified Copy wants us to see that joys of life can be found within the familar, the mundane, our imperfections, and our weaknesses, which can take us beyond our initial thoughts into an understanding of love’s possibilities when we dare to share our vulnerabilities.

In the end we are left to struggle with what is original and what is another variation on a theme as we are presented with a duality of purpose between returning to a past that includes joy, strife, familiarity, and contradictions, which may be replicated, or catching the nine o’clock train. The resolve is found within the viewers perspective.

As the barista said, “It would be stupid of us to ruin our lives for an ideal.”

Is the problem She feels unseen and oppressed? Is James sincere with his apologies? Were She and James really a married couple, or were they just acting as if they were a married couple? Or were they once just lovers? The answer is yes. But what should it matter if we cannot discern the difference? And, her dragonfly pendant! Symbol of transformational change in perspective regarding self-actualization. You know, the good stuff.

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it. Just some parts annoyed me.” That’s what She said.

I liked it! I give Certified Copy 4.3 out of 5 Artistic Reflections of the Heart ❤.

MOVIE REVIEW: The Man From Earth (2019). By Ken Hurley

Before The Man from Earth showed up we had: The Man From UNCLE, The Man From Laramie, The 2000 Year Old Man, Fred Flintstone, The Man Who Came to Dinner, The Man Who Fell to Earth, Dinner with Andre and a few whispering postulations surrounding a Table for Ten where it is believed a man from somewhere has a seat. Written by Jerome Bixby, a sci-fi writer known in part for his work on the original Star Trek series. The man in The Man From Earth is a caveman, who looks like he walked out of an LL Bean catalog, named John Oldman. (Get it? He’s an old man). Oldman the Caveman has lived for 14,000 years yet has no birth certificate to prove it. Set in one room and shot with two Panasonic DVXR Camcorders ($339 on Amazon), Oldman the Caveman knows it’s time to say goodbye to the friends he’s known for the past ten years. Before he departs he asks, “What if a man from the upper Paleolithic survived until the present day?” And then decides to let them know he’s been alive for 14,000 years. This revelatory tid-bit isn’t taken lightly his bourgeois, pseudointellectual, whiney, obliquely over-educated yet woefully lacking in understanding or compassion, friends. How can we believe someone who claims to be born 14,000 years ago? And, THIS is where the fun begins. The entire movie is essentially a long Q&A aimed at discovering whether or not Oldman the Caveman is truthful. Rigmarole aside, this 88 minute film seems like a full two hours, in large part, because the viewer is thrust into philosophical ponderances that include: Quantum Mechanics, mental wellness, God, religion (Jesus Christ, lots of religion) life and death, time relativity, bathing, hope, survival, cro-magna man (not pro-Maga man), piety, and lots of misconceptions regarding the stories we tell ourselves. Listening to others contemplate the absurdity of their underexamined lives may be worthwhile event if I could also have a seat at the table. I liked it! Good news, there is a sequel! SPOILER ALERT: This is not a musical. I give The Man From Earth 3.5 out of 5 savage grunts.

MOVIE REVIEW. 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out The Window And Disappeared (2013).

“Ok, I’ll give you a minute.” — Robert Oppenheimer

From the opening credits we know 100 Year Old Man was going to sizzle and explode. But, it’s no bomb! (Not a blockbuster either.) It is one nonagenarian’s rollicking serendipitous madcap transitional journey toward centenarianism whose path runs straight through Pee Wee’s Great Adventure, A Weekend at Bernie’s, The Death of Stalin, and Being There.

And, Boom! Lots of bang for your buck. Or, in my case $2.99.

“Life is what it is and it does what it does,” is the wisdom offered by our quinquagenarian times two, Allan Karlsson. AK shows us that our struggles in life may be largely self-imposed. All we need to do is remove the obstacles we have placed before ourselves and we’re free! It’s as easy as climbing out the window. And he does!

As a boy our simple centenarian spent “A few years in a mental hospital” for failing to accept societal norms as demonstrated by his penchant to blow things up.

Once released from the asylum he adopted the philosophy, “Regret doesn’t do much good unless you have a time machine.” Then, I suppose, if you did have a time machine one could alter the events that created the regret. (Cue Sinatra.)

AK’s adventures take him right to the middle of nowhere to which he says, “The middle of nowhere is underrated.” I have been there! It’s lovely. Beyond the middle of nowhere he meets Oppenheimer, Franco, Stalin, Churchill, Truman, and many other notables from history.

Our slow-but-true plodding Little Big Man walked off with a suitcase filled with 50 million big ones which was being delivered to the Mob Boss. The bumbling clownish effort of the mob boys to retrieve the suitcase reminded me of Snatch, or Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Both Guy Ritchie films. What a circus!

Can’t have a circus without an elephant! Splat.

In the end the soft-spoken AK wonders, why do people scream? “I guess that’s what babies do when they arrive in the world.” He suspects he probably screamed too.

Like the refrain from the song, Message in a Bottle, “I’m sending out an S.O.S., Sending out an S.O.S., Sending out an S.O.S.” No need to be saved here. Just sit back and enjoy 114 minutes.

I liked it! I give 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out The Window And Disappeared 2 lower plus 2 upper Sashes out of 5 Double Hungs. ✌🏽❤😷🍻 Stay well and Insurrection free! (What a crazy week.)

MOVIE REVIEW. Waking Life (2001) by Ken Hurley

“Hey, are you a dreamer?” Asks the man on the train. If the answer was “Nope” we could have ended the movie there. Unfortunately, the response is, “Yeah.” So we stumble on as if we are in someone’s disjointed dream. Oh, we are?

If I could just float away.

But, who isn’t a dreamer? Better question, how do you turn dreams into reality? And, should you? As the Pinball Playing Man says, “Life is the story of moving from the ‘no’ to the ‘yes’.”

This dreamy 21st century rotoscope is filled with sophomoric, philosophical, quizzical, platitudes, painted as a stylized cartoon in an effort to hide the lack of plot, nameless character development, back story, emotional attachment, action, and intellectual inquiry. The rotoscopic stylization works well for the first few moments but quickly becomes annoying too.

This is an ambitious and admirable effort by Richard Linklater as writer, director, and cartoon actor (Pinball Guy and Back of Car Boat Guy) where the nature of dreams, lucid dreams (of which I have many), and the realities of waking life are explored. The title is taken from an Edgar Allen Poe poem titled, A Dream (1827):

“In visions of the dark night

I have dreamed of joy departed—

But a waking dream of life and light

Hath left me broken-hearted.”

Ok. Yoga breath.

Waking life runs the emotional gamut from A to B (annoying to boring) while plodding like a mud stuck frog struggling to hop from one mundane muddle to another miasma of mind-numbing blithering blather.

I fear there is laziness afoot when the viewer remains stuck on age old existential questions like, “What’s it all about, Alfie?” However, Waking Life does evoke a preponderance-o-plenty of familiar philosophical references including: Sartre, existentialism, etymology, despair, brooding, hope, convention, challenges, Kierkegaard, nowism, truth, symbolism, eternity, barriers, potential, parallel universes, artificial intelligence, abstractions, God, Dick, evolution,distractions, reality, fantasy, dreams, ego, life, death, loyalty, chaos, justice, freedom, and much much more! Reminder, not all philosophical questions require polite answers. Yet, “…everyone knows, fun rules!”

Waking Life reminded me of a Cherokee mule driver I interviewed in Missouri who said he’s, “A dreamer. Without a dream, nobody can help you. Your parents can’t help you, your teachers can’t help you, the government can’t help you. Not even God can help a person that doesn’t have a dream. You’ve gotta find something that you’re passionate about or called to and go after it.”

I agree, although my mind wandered while watching Waking Life. Here, Mr. Linklater succeeded.

I dreamed Waking Life was a ten minute TED Talk presented by Fritz The Cat; or, an MMA tag team match between Car Boat Guy and Kierkegaard against Young Girl Playing Paper Game and Philip K. Dick; or the last four years of reality never happened; or the widely sought reincarnation of Epicurus manifested in epistemological musings where knowledge is actually not knowable. Mostly Waking Life made me want to nap. So I could dream.

I liked it! I give Waking Life 2 out of 5 ZZZZZ’s.😴😴 Stay well! 😷🤓

MOVIE REVIEW by Ken Hurley. F for Fake (1973 or 1975 or 1977).

I will share a bias, F is my favorite letter. Could be titled Citizen Flim Flam. However, this reviewer might refer to the title as that F’n Flick starring Orson Welles as his own ego. Co-starring his favorite Freudian pal the Montecristo Cuban Cigar (retails over $1,100 per stogie). It is well known that Mr. Welles has a fantastic passion for literature, theater, film, magic, illusion, delightful deceit, cigars, ballyhoo, and many cinematic innovations. Welles is a great raconteur who understands the nuances necessary to engage the fabulous art of puffery to the perplexing delight of the audience.

F for Fake begins with a simple magic trick which foreshadows a deep appreciation for the ability to fraudulently deceive by exploring the intertwined stories of a formerly famed art forger Elmyr de Hory and his con- man biographer Clifford Irving. De Hory had the great talent to paint classics that passed for originals, like Picasso, Matisse and others that would wind up in world class museums. Clifford Irving became infamous for the great attention getting Howard Hughes biographical hoax. Irving even held a news conference with Howard Hughes on speaker phone. (Or, was it?)

F for Fake is not an expose but rather an honorable nod to “hanky-panky men” who Welles likely would include himself knowing how pleased he was following his 1938 War of the Worlds radio broadcast. What a prankster!

Welles demonstrates an inherent frustration if not contempt for those who claim an easy ability to distinguish reality from fantasy. Yet, during his monologue in front of the Chartres Cathedral, Welles shows his deep respect for authentic art no matter how anonymous or divinely inspired the creators may have been.

F for Fake was co-written with Oja Kodar, Welles’ partner and collaborator during the later years of his life. F mixes visual styles and has a sleight-of-hand of hand approach to editing which moves first in one direction, then another, but keeps returning to the art forger of the day, De Hory, and his fraud buddies. In the end, Welles has a few more surprises for the unsuspecting observer. This F’n flick asks the viewer, at least indirectly, to ponder the forever questions, “Is it truth or an illusion or are we all just a bundle of desirable delusions?”

I liked it. I give F for Fake 75 cents out of a dollars worth of disappearing coins. 🎬📽💸😷🐇😷

MOVIE REVIEW (Abridged) 3 Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri (2017). I give it 3 out of 5 Billboards.

MOVIE REVIEWS. Casablanca (1943) and Play It Again, Sam (1972).

“You must remember this…” Um. Well, “Here’s looking at you,” Woody.

The Allied invasion Operation Torch liberated Morocco from the evil Axis powers. Casablanca is a melodramatic war time love story that could have been titled, Operation Torch Song. The theatrical release for Casablanca took advantage of the political climate in Morroco, still loosely controlled by the shifty French State of Cold Potato Soup (Vichy). Casablanca is based on the real world struggles of refugees fleeing the Axis powers to find a liberating path to America.

Play It Again, Sam, is based on Woody’s character hoping to discover for himself if “a kiss is just a kiss”. As he laments his failures to be cool and manly with the ladies, visions of Bogart offer dating advice. “Move closer to her,” says the Bogart muse. “How close?” asks Woody. “The length of your lips” comes the Bogart wisdom.

Don’t Bogart that joint, my friend. “Of all the gin joints in all the world she walks into mine” is where the usual suspects can usually be found. And, love. Young love, old flames, fond memories of Paris, and the coveted Letters of Transit. People die for those letters. (Letters of Transit were a clever writing convention for the storyline but didn’t actually exist outside of the script.)

Filled with witty wisecracks and well-timed slapstick, Play It Again, Sam, played a successful run on Broadway before becoming a successful film credited with a revival of interest in Casablanca. Success may have spoiled Rock Hunter but Casablanca’s longevity and its iconic star deserve the accolades and success it has received “as time goes by” — 78 years! There would be no Play it Again, Sam, without Casablanca. An excellent double feature. (“Play It Again, Sam,” was never actually said in either film.)

Why Bogart? How did this small sized, unremarkably looking man become a leading Hollywood super star? Because his natural vulnerabilities gave him everyman status. And box office likes the everyman. While Woody Allen seems to find all the right comedy as he strives to be any man other than himself.

I like them both! I give Casablanca 4.5 out of 5 “Hearts Full of Passion.” I give Play it Again, Sam, 4 out of 5 “Fight(s) for Love and Glory.” Now, play it. Stay well! ✌🏽❤🙏🏽😷🤓🎬

MOVIE REVIEW. City Lights (1931). A BONUS MOVIE REVIEW TOO!

Shhh! No talking. Parody sound effects about talking, yes. Talking, no.

City Lights is a timeless, joyful, heartwarming, comedic love story starring Charlie Chaplin as the internationally famous and oh so humble and lovable,Tramp. Could this be the film that inspired Disney’s Lady and The Tramp?

Chaplin’s own money and production studio began production in 1928 and spent $1 million to gross $5 million in ticket sales. Pretty good! Chaplin bet his silent international stardom would prevail in countries around the world despite talking pictures being in vogue since the Jazz Singer (1927). Chaplin was right. Although, he was wrong about “talkies” being a passing phase.

The Tramp, seems to always find himself in the wrong place with the right timing. He sleeps in the arms of a civic statue, awkwardly ruining its grand unveiling. The sound effects mock the dignitaries and the “talkies”. He tries to admire the art in a shop window, only to walk into an open manhole. He wanders out to the docks at night, where he prevents a drunk millionaire’s suicide attempt. Then the Tramp, falls smittenly for a beautiful blind flower girl, who mistakes the Tramp for a millionaire.

The storyline now follows the pathos and hilarity between the Tramp and these two characters. The Tramp dances with the wrong lady, swallows a whistle, eats party streamers thinking it’s spaghetti. The Tramp always has a smiling bashful innocent response to his social ineptitude.

When the millionaire has sobered he kicks the Tramp out of his mansion. The Tramp then visits the flower girl’s apartment, where he impresses her with his mistaken wealth but genuine kindness. He learns of the girl’s debt, pending eviction, and a doctor whose operation could cure her blindness (cataracts?). Eager to save the girl, the Tramp needs money. He begins a job as a street sweeper but is fired for being late due to his frequent visits to the girl’s apartment. The Tramp then tries to earn money in a prize fight which results in one of the film’s funnier sequences accompanied by a whimsical musical score composed by Chaplin.

The Tramp loses the fight. His efforts failed but as the girl’s debt deadline approaches, the tramp runs into the millionaire, drunk again and eager to welcome the Tramp back into his mansion. The millionaire gives the Tramp money for both the girl’s debt and her eye surgery. The Tramp in turn gifts the delighted girl without keeping a nickel for himself. However, the Tramp is mistaken by the coppers for a thief who robbed the mansion and gets sent to jail.

The Tramp’s wholehearted generosity and self-sacrificial love for others, despite the sad fact that the Tramp is not truly seen by the drunk millionaire or the beautiful blind girl, resonates deeply with all those with a beating heart.

The Tramp, now released from prison is a beaten man, a shadow of the previous smiling Tramp. His face is haggard. His clothes are more raggedy. He is truly alone on the city streets, mocked or ignored by all who pass him. He stoops by a window to pick up a flower that fell to the sidewalk. The window happens to belong to the girl whose sight is now restored and is the owner the flower shop. We learn that she harkens for the return of her benefactor, wondering if every rich man that comes into her shop is him. The Tramp looks through the window and directly into her face. He beams brightly when he sees her, until he realizes that she can not possibly recognize him.

The girl assumes that this is just a poor stranger struck by her good looks. “I have made a conquest!” she says as she kindly offers him a flower and 50 cents. The Tramp smiles big out of love, basking in the sight of her face, the petals of his ruined flower fall one by one out of his hand. Shy and timid, he turns to leave, but the girl dashes out the door, grabs his hand and places the coins in it. Suddenly, her look changes to one of clarity, recognition, and bewilderment. Her heightened sense of touch has recognized what her eyes could not. Her benafactor is standing right in front of her, but he is not who she was expecting. Any former delusions of grander are now gone. She sees him for who he truly is.

“You?” she asks. The Tramp’s face is wound tight with expectation and hope, nods eagerly. Her face falls. Her hopeful lover is not the rich man of her dreams, but a tramp. The Tramp gestures to his eyes. “You can see now?” A simple question filled with double meaning. Her face is marked with disappointment, sorrow, and tension, as she confirms, “Yes, I can see now.” Will she accept him for who he is? Will she love him, like he loved her? No more confusion or pretense.

Slowly, she takes his hand and clutches it to her breast. She smiles for a brief moment. We then see the Tramp’s face open into an intense smile of pure joy.

Are we too blind to see the goodness that surrounds us? From where does clarity come? And what about that mustache? Perhaps it is through the lights, city or otherwise, where kindness is found shining brightly on a comedy romance such as this masterpiece by Charlie Chaplin. I liked it! I give City Lights 11 out of 10 👀🔦👁 and a smiling Sun too 🌞. Stay well. ✌🏽❤😷

MOVIE REVIEW. WHAT DID JACK DO? (2017) David Lynch stars as the detective who interrogates a worried yet voluble monkey who is suspected of murder most foul. Not since Bonzo starred alongside Ronald Reagan has the silver screen been lit by a talkative cigarette smokin’ chimp wannabe. Written and directed by David Lynch who demonstrates that even a cheeky capuchin monkey can’t make a monkey out of David Lynch who managed to avoid stirring the pea soup with a money wrench to make a hilarious satirical spoof about third-rate screewriting and primative primate acting. Also starring Emily Stofle as the waitress who brings the Detective and the well-dressed monkey coffee in separate coffee cups. Mr. Lynch and Ms. Stofle are married (in real life). So what. A chicken makes a guest appearance. Running time: 17 full minutes. Shot in black and white with a dingy dirty lens. Netflix. I liked it! I give “What Did Jack Do?” 3.7 🙈🙉🙊 out of 5 Nervy and Nettlesom Noirs.

MOVIE IMPRESSIONS. By Ken Hurley. The Professor and the Madman (2019).

I wonder if ‘autopenectomy’ was added to the Oxford Dictionary after Dr. Minor punished himself for his sexually troublesome delusions?

I enjoy watching movies, good and bad, then reading more about the subjects. I learned from this flick and that’s a great joy! Humanity, compassion, friendship, and love were the foundation of the monumental effort to compile all known words into what would become known as the Oxford English Dictionary.

Based on what I read the storyline was mostly accurate. Too bad they couldn’t actually shoot the film at Oxford. This became a legal battle so fraught with contention that Mel Gibson, who owned the rights to the book, refused to promote the film.

Penn and Gibson were excellent. Beautifully staged and shot. Compelling narrative.

I liked it!! I give The Professor and the Madman 4.2 out of 5 Loquaciously Delightful Lexiconic Dreaming Spires. 📖 🕍✌🏽❤😊

MOVIE REVIEW. In Search of Beethoven (2009) by Ken Hurley

Who knew he was missing? What’s not missing is lots of great, sweaty, breathtaking performances of difficult classic and classy music played by virtuoso musicians. Lots of dexterous piano pieces where closeups of lightening fast fingers dance joyfully across the ivories. As we search for Beethoven we also find patience, perseverance, a heightened appreciation for musical passion, and a comfy chair. A documentary made in an elegant cinematic artistic manner filled with compelling interviews with conductors, musicians, historians, whose insight offers in-depth eloquence about a world-renowned revolutionary pianist and composer yet a tragic man. It seems impossible to watch this film and not increase your own passion for the man who wrote the most famous notes of all time. Whose “music is so deeply rooted in everything human” fragility included, as the French classical pianist, Hélène Grimaud said. Or at least, we find a deeper appreciation for those aficionados who love Beethoven. And, what’s not to love? Good work, Phil Grabsky. Maybe next, In Search of My Car Keys? I liked it! I give In Search of Beethoven 4 out of 5 Symphonic Crescendos… DA DA DA DUM! Stay well! ✌🏽❤🙂😷🙏🏽🎹🎻

MOVIE REVIEW: 12 Years A Slave (2013). 12 Years a Slave is the fourth movie in “The 12 Trilogy” (12 Monkeys, 12 Angry Men, 12 O’clock High). Staring a tour de force, Chiwetel Ejiofor (Who? You could look him up.) 12 Years A Slave is the feel good movie of the decade. Family Fun for anyone who has owned a slave and profited, owned a slave and regretted it, wanted to own a slave, or just wants a peek into the slave world of antebellum America. Based on a true story, Solomon Northup, a free black man from Saratoga, New York, is kidnapped and sold into slavery. This is a must-see movie! For extra movie fun, if you’re white, be sure to see it with a black audience on the big screen. 12 Years A Slave is destined to sweep the Oscars this year and then take a whipping for not also winning the Oscars next year. 12 Years A Slave puts the ‘move’ back in movie. Emotionally moving! To quote the Abolitionist character, Bass (played by Brad Pitt) “It is not only my pleasure, but it is my duty . . .” to tell you to run, don’t walk, out of the theater and tell your friends to see 12 Years A Slave. I give 12 Years a Slave: Forty Stripes!

MOVIE REVIEW: Blackfish (2013). If white humans can not legally enslave black humans any longer why not enslave blackfish? Blackfish is a documentary about the capture, training, lies, deaths, and big money surrounding the exquisitely sensitive and extrodinarily intelligent Orca whales held in unatural conditions and forced to perform. A must see for anyone who has ever heard of Shamu or knows someone who has not. I give Blackfish FIVE SARDINES.

MOVIE REVIEW: All is Lost (2013). You would never guess that Robert Redford is 77 years alive based on this really good remake of the Poseidon Adventure — except no large cruise ship or any other actors to steal scenes. Mr. Redford is a nameless solo sailboat adventurer who finds himself in deep water, 1700 miles from land in the Indian Ocean where his boat is struck by a floating cargo container and begins to sink. Best line (delivered quite effectively too) “Fuuuuucccckkk.” There very few other lines in the movie, except for the boat lines, of course. Redford is sure to get an Oscar nod right in the kisser for his portrayal of a man whose quite, methodical, desperate efforts to save himself turn to the sad realization that All is Lost. Best Scene: Campfire in the liferaft. I give it Four Jibs and One Poop Deck. Go the extra nautical mile and see it.

MOVIE REVIEW: The Book Thief (2013) as told by Death. Not to be confused with The Bicycle Thief, It Takes a Thief, The Icicle Thief, or The Good Thief. The Book Thief is a love story that begins in 1938 Germany staring, Emily Watson not to be confused with Emma Watson, Geoffrey Rush not to be confused with Rush Limbaugh, Sophie Nélisse a real life 13 year old with beautiful blue eyes and well-styled hair and her yellow-haired love interest, Nico Liersch, another real life 13 year old. The Book Thief will steal your heart and cause water to run down your cheek. Of course it is a bit cheeky but well worth a lazy Wednesday afternoon. The Book Thief will tell you she does not steal, she only borrows. I give it 4 out of 5 library cards.

MOVIE REVIEW: American Hustle (2013). This is the third breakout movie for Amy Adams but this is her first film about corruption in politics where Amy breaks out of her dresses – all of them. She proves she is not a boob but has two. If you think this critic is superficial, crass, boorish, and boyish, you’re right. We no longer think of Amy Adams as the little singing princess from Disney’s Enchanted nor do we think of her as whatever she was in Junebug. No. We now know Amy Adams can sing, dance, act, and look good doing so even when Jennifer Lawrence is on the screen face to face with Amy. Take that Hunger Game Girl. American Hustle is a combination of Keystone Cops meets All The Kings Men. Or, to put it another way, The Keystone Cops meets All The Presidents Men. The movie tells the bungling tale of the true FBI Abscam investigation of the late 70’s and early 80’s in which a large handful of corrupt politicians get busted for taking bribes – all Democrats too. Fun for the whole family. Editors note: trim 58 minutes and you’d have a great short story. Oh, Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper and Louis C.K. are in the flick too. I give American Hustle 3 out of 5 Bustles.

MOVIE REVIEW: Casablanca (1942) starring Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, Peter Lore, Sydney Greenstreet, and Claude Rains. This three-time Oscar winning classic is way too often confused with A Night in Casablanca.starring the Marx Brothers. Casablanca in Spanish means casa blanca, which means in English, house white, usually said, white house. As big and timely a picture as ever you’ve seen! You can tell by the cast it’s important! Gripping! Big! An American expatriate owner of a swanky nightclub and gambling den in Morocco meets a former beautiful, sultry, and alluring lover … they had a date with fate in the mysterious city of Sin and Intrigue (aka Casablanca)! “We’ll always have Paris!” Not true… we’ll always enjoy Casablanca! “Here’s looking at you kid.” “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.” Now go do something productive. I give Casablanca five of the “usual suspects.”