– Ken Hurley
I confess. I am a closeted Epistemologist who is considering coming out of the closet but I have misplaced my opinions and fear the judgment of other Epistemologists when they learn I’ve lost my opinions.
I usually keep my opinions right next to the small samples of knowledge I have accumulated over a lifetime of trying to remember things and forget other things. But nope, not there. I’ve looked everywhere for my opinions. I’ve looked where I keep my sense of humor but I can’t find my sense of humor either. I recall my sense of humor was kept in a cold truck marked Good Humor. I can’t even find the truck.
Losing my opinions and my sense of humor in the same day has caused a brain daze in which my amygdala and hippocampus tussle with each other sending my limbic system into a frenzy making me want to fight and flight.
How can I offer astute philosophical views regarding the nature of nature or eloquently answer, “What is knowledge?” if I can’t find my opinions? How can I explain the distinction between Ho and Hum if I don’t have an opinion? Without opinions how am I to know whether my life is properly examined or unexamined? How can I even care about the differences between empiricism and rationalism without my inordinately prodigious opinions?
I asked a friend if I could borrow one of her opinions but I got side-eyed and face-slapped as she yelled, “Get your own opinions, Bub.”
I asked another friend if he had seen my opinions. He vaguely recalled that once upon a time I was loaded with spitfire, well-crafted, persuasive, opinions. But that was a long time ago. He asked if I have also lost mind since that’s where most opinions are kept.
Occasionally my mind wanders. Where it goes I don’t know. Once my mind left for a long weekend. When it returned I shuddered and felt a warm rush enter my body and heard my meandering wayward mind think, “Well, that was a hoot!”
I tried watching Tucker Carlson to see if I could find my opinions on the TV but his skewed views sent my usually strong gastrointestinal system looking for Pepto, straight no chaser. My nervous system started to jitter and flitter when I realized Tucker is a hypocritical propagandaist who seems to be aligned with the Russian State Media yet has direct social influence over the cultural interactions of his loyal followers. Ugh!
I looked for my opinions on my local newspaper Opinion Page but the Opinion Page is no longer in the paper.
I scoured the streets asking strangers if they knew where my opinions went. No one had an opinion as to where my opinions might be. They all seemed to back away slowly then turned and bolted like “Lightening Bolt” Usain in the 100 meter dash.
I once had a marble collection complete with aggies, red devils, and tiger eyes. My most prized marble was a vintage German handmade onionskin. But I’ve lost my marbles too!
Oh, wait! I think I feel an opinion swelling within. This could be big. Oh no. Just yesterday’s burritos.
Looks like I may have to stay closeted until I have a couple of thoughts I might cobble together to develop a new opinion or two.
I met a sad scraggly old man in the closet who was filled with self-inflicted misery. He truly believes he embraces all the problems of this “absurd world” as he calls it. He told me he wants to become a “critical thinker.” He admits he’s good at being critical but struggles with actual thinking. He said, “It hurts to think.”
I said, “It takes a while to learn which thoughts to dismiss and which thoughts to retain. Some people think too much and stumble over their self-consciousness.”
He giggled.
Pundits agree the most quotable of the Three Stooges is Curly of “nyunk nyunk nyunk” fame. My favorite Curly quote is, “I’m trying to think but nothing happens!” That’s the point, to form a reasoned and respected conclusion worthy of a gold-standard opinion one must first know how to think with enough patience and clarity to sift through the bewildering oozey, gray matter, of biased human confusion.
I do have one free thought I’ll share from real life. Seems a likely place to get a thought. From time to time we recognize smiling fortune as the joy it is. Especially, if we are the first to quietly awake within thoughtful moments as we watch the Sun peak over the Earth’s horizon revealing the striking splendor of the sky pallette, the shifting colorful cloud canvas that evokes feelings of delightful admiration — that’s when you know you’ve got yourself a good life! A different life. Life changes with each sunrise which helps expand the limits of perception. The pensive dawn encourages energy. Energy encourages playfulness. Playfulness is one of the most responsibe things we can do in life. Responsibility is a necessity. It’s irresponsible to be serious all the time. The world doesn’t care much about our amphigoric mumbo jumbo when we are always serious. Yet, the world is there for us when we are playful. When life pokes you do you become an angry animal? How do you react when things do not go in your favor?
Being playful isn’t a new opinion relative to living a joyful life. It is just fact.
Ah well, if you find any of my opinions scattered about please forward them to me care of the broom closet under the spiral staircase down the hall. I’m sitting on an upside down mop bucket mumbling my new tune named, “Borrowed Imagination.”
Got opinions? Send them to Ken Hurley at kenhurley88@gmail.com
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