- Ken Hurley
Eris Shackleman was picked up, cuffed, and thrown in the pokey on the first night of the Mistaken Identity Roundup (MIR).
According to Criminal Attorneys for the Defense (CAD), mistaken identity arrests occur more frequently than shots of tequila on Taco Tuesday. However, this was the first time a MIR was organized by the Chief of Authority to gain favor with the political Wonks of Woedom (WOW). The MIR gave the Chief the opportunity to look magnanimous as she offered her televised apology on behalf of Woedom City to the falsely accused upon their release.
Eris was arrested on the night of MIR and charged with writing a Fantastic Fantasy novel without a valid poetic license. His license was revoked after he once tried to rhyme "orange" with "door flange."
Eris had a string of bad luck which only got longer after he was mistakenly added to the In-Memoriam segment at the Actor Awards Show three times in three years. He once had his identity stolen, but after a week the thief begged Eris to take it back.
Then there was the time Eris declared himself a "sovereign citizen" in an attempt to avoid prosecution after he was picked up at a bar fight over which came first, the Zeroth or the First Law of Thermodynamics. During the heat of the scuffle Eris ranted indecipherable anti-government slogans about gold, credit, and hidden malevolent government forces while he declared the three foot personal air space around him as sovereign and may not be breached. He shouted, "Any punch that lands on me is a violation of International and Biblical laws!" The drunken rascals pummeled Eris until he resembled a mashed sweet potato. The next day Eris was mistaken by the judge for an average Joe and released without questioning.
A Mistaken Belief Task Force was formed by Woedom City to scour the internet and other places where mindful and mindless thoughts are exchanged. The task of the Task Force was to evaluate questionable representations of topical and irrelevant understandings about the world and Woedom. Examples include: Did The Simpsons predict the Silicon Valley Bank failure? No. Is it true that 16 banks failed during the Trump Administration? Yes. Is a Piggy Bank named after a pig? No. Is it true that Albert Einstein said, "The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them." Yes. These and hundreds other dubious statements were researched, verified, and findings published each week by the Mistaken Belief Task Force.
The Mistaken Belief Task Force advised Eris against holding the mistaken belief that the words opossum and possum are interchangeable.
The assertion that all infinities are not created equal remains a controversial issue for the Mistaken Belief Task Force who often seek the advice of subject matter experts whose struggles to reach a consensus on difficult subjects cause a loud belly grumble chorus of borborygmus. (Nod to the lexophiles.)
As an individual, to be falsely accused of anything is at least troubling. However, it can be deadly if one is wrongfully accused of a capital crime. Innocent defendants are still mistakenly convicted and sentenced to death with unfortunate regularity.
The appeals process is one remedy for a travesty of justice. However, the Appellate Courts mostly focus on legal errors and not on factual determinations. It is unlikely the appeals process will catch all the mistaken verdicts. To sit on death row knowing you are innocent while awaiting the green mile walk is difficult for this writer to fully imagine how the mind would cope.
As of March 2023, the Innocence Database maintained by the Death Penalty Information Center shows 191 exonerations of prisoners on death row in the United States since 1973.
DNA analysis is vital to exonerating innocent people and affecting criminal justice reform. Years of data on DNA-related and other exonerations expose the persistent and systemic problems within our legal justice system. The fight to correct the systemic issues through strategic litigation, policy reform, and education continue.
The Innocence Project was founded in 1992 by Barry Scheck and Peter Neufeld to assist incarcerated people who could be proven innocent through DNA testing.
Make no mistake about it, false accusations, misinformation, disinformation, and wrongful convictions are among the worst examples of human behavior. We can and should do better.
While Eris Shackleman is fictional, this partial list of exonerations is not: Malcolm Alexander served 38 years, George Allen served 30 years, Cornelius Dupree served 31 years, Anthony Wright served 25 years, Joyce Ann Brown served 9 years, Rosa Jimenez served 17 years. John Huffington was convicted of murder in 1981, sentenced to death, and exonerated on January 13, 2023.
Courts do not generally entertain claims of innocence after the defendant is dead. So it is difficult to know how many innocent people on death row were executed. Those who work on behalf of the wrongfully accused tend to use their time to help those still alive.
I know a six year old girl who loves to say "Namaste" after yoga, but she adorably mispronounces it as, "No mistake."
LEARN MORE HERE:
Explore the Numbers: Innocence Project’s Impact
and HERE: https://www.law.northwestern.edu/legalclinic/wrongfulconvictions/womensproject/exonerations/
and HERE: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2021/07/19/10-facts-about-the-death-penalty-in-the-u-s/
and HERE: https://deathpenaltyinfo.org/
Please forward corrections, comments, or questions to kenhurley88@gmail.com
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