What do you read, my lord?” asked Polonius.
“Words. Words. Words.” replied a trifling, nonchalant, yet crafty Hamlet.
“What is the matter, my lord?” asked Polonius.
“Between who?” replied Hamlet.
“I mean, the matter that you read, my lord.”
A brief scene from Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2 where Polonius makes another effort to talk with Hamlet. Hamlet makes his sarcastic reply suggesting the words he is reading are meaningless while also slyly showing contempt for Polonius’s constant blathering.
“Words matter!” is often said in a condescending and derogatory tone accompanied by a vigorous finger wag by one grappling for intellectual superiority while oblivious to the short path they’re traveling toward demonstrating their own frustrating cognitive dissonance. Their hope is the recipient of the “words matter” admonition will hear the phrase as revelatory.
Ahh, words! Of course. Yes. Yes! Words. Words. Words matter.
As if we, the subject of the intellectual onslaught, are so mindnumbed that we cannot discern the difference between the words poison and candy.
The late Rush Limbaugh gets some credit for popularizing the phrase “words matter” when he sat behind a golden microphone on his EIB Radio Network as he patronized and denigrated women, liberals, minorities and others with whom he disagreed. “El Rushbo” thought it necessary to let his listeners know that “words matter.”
Barack Obama famously replied to Hillary Clinton’s view that Obama’s well-versed speeches essentially didn’t mean much without action. In another well-versed speech Obama said, “Don’t tell me words don’t matter. ‘I have a dream’ – just words? ‘We owe these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal’ – just words? ‘We have nothing to fear but fear itself’ – just words, just speeches?”
Obviously, words do matter. Saying “words matter” is extraordinarily obvious. Moreover, to say “words matter” without specificity is laziness.
The troublesome issue comes from people who bellow “words matter” as a smug and often abrupt end to an argument in which they have likely disabused their own “words matter” mantra. Some of these same people seem quite capable of finding an argument on any topic while twisting definitions to suit their position. To misquote an often paraphrased quote said by the Mexican bandit leader Gold Hat from the Treasure of Sierra Madre, “Definitions? We don’t need no stinkin’ definitions.”
The expression “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is a half-truth. Words can hurt.
I have a friend who had a common congenital facial deformity – protruding ears. When she was in elementary school, boys called her names like Spock, Dumbo, and monkey. These unkind remarks caused lots of tears and impacted her self-worth. She was energetic and athletic but felt it necessary to hide her ears with her hair or a hat. She no longer saw herself as beautiful but now as tainted, different, and ugly.
Even though she knew her self-worth did not come from her outward appearance, it was painfully difficult to forget the bullying and the name-calling.
In college, she had surgery to pin her ears back. It helped her confidence but the memories and emotional scars linger.
Now she is a happily married mother over 20 years living her best most creative life.
There are too many derogatory racial epithets to share here with the further effort to show words can hurt. Here’s an excellent book that examines the history and controversy surrounding one of the more contemptuous slurs, Nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word by Randall Kennedy.
Let me offer some examples from the “words matter” lexicon of human verbal oddities of seemingly harmless yet aggressive or violent expressions spoken reflexively sans thought.
Grab some coffee • Beat you to the punch • Beat a dead horse • Nail it down • Knife in the back • Dying of thirst • I’m starving • Brutally honest • Dying to meet you • Shoot you an email • Dog eat dog world • Push comes to shove • Roll with the punches • Kill time • Pick your brain • Drop me off • All tied up • Have a crush • Brainstorm • Kill them with kindness • Jump the gun • Gunned down the runner at third • Kill the ump • Shoot the breeze • Take a shot at it • Burned out • End of my rope • Bury the hatchet • You strike me as …
Here’s a mindnumbingly odd phrase spoken by people who want to preface what follows as a truthful statement but in effect puts veracity into question, “To be honest . . .”
“To be honest” may be said before or after a statement to indicate the speaker is telling the truth about their opinions. To be honest, the undeniable implication is that the speaker hasn’t been honest other times. Honestly, “to be honest” is an unnecessary phrase unless the speaker honestly struggles with honesty.
Here’s another figure of speech that generations of people use. When we work, we’re told to work hard. When we play, we’re told to play hard. “I work hard and I play hard!” These same people ask why is my life is so hard? Suppose instead of working hard or playing hard we worked and played joyfully and lovingly?
Here’s another phrase spoken with little thought yet said by the hopeful that the recipient will back-off. “I’m busy!”
Take note next time someone says, “I’m busy.” Because you’ll rarely if never hear, “I’m busy” from truly busy people. Truly busy people make time for you without saying, “I’m busy.” How? Because truly busy people know how to manage their precious time effectively without the whine, “I’m busy!” For so many, “I’m busy” is a simple and amazingly accepted excuse to avoid accountability, express disdain, boredom, or demonstrate priorities. (And you ain’t a priority.) “I’m busy” remains an unfortunate effective verbal mask.
With all due respect, may we take a moment of scrutiny to look at the phrase, “With all due respect…” While intended as a polite way for the speaker to lessen the effect of the speaker’s cortisol-elevating grumbling complaints that follow the expression, the phrase has become so overly used it has reached cliché status. Time to develop a ‘respect meter’ so we can learn how much respect is actually due. With all due respect, of course.
What might be different in our verbal exchanges if we taught ourselves to avoid the downward spiral into the powerful vortex of tired, thought-terminating clichés and resisted the path of least resistance in an effort to be original, inspiring, and thought-provoking with the words we choose?
Suffice it to say: “Actions speak louder than words.” I had an attorney who said “Suffice it to say…” often. Problem was she never had anything to say after “Suffice it to say…”
I also enjoyed the company of an Italian tour guide in Rome who began each sentence with, “Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera…”
Instead of “Let’s grab a cup of coffee” suppose we said, “Let’s go sip a cup of coffee.”
Whether you’re “dirt poor” or “filthy rich” – either way you need a bath.
If you’re going to bury the hatchet at least bury it where it will do the most good.
And sometimes, words unspoken may leave gentle hearts broken.
Anyway, it all boils down to pushing the envelope. Business is business. A deal’s a deal. It is what it is. No means no. Enough is enough. And, “never say never” means I just said never twice.
The tree is matter. The sky is matter. You matter. You are matter. Words matter.
Duh.
Please send thoughts in word form to Ken Hurley on the contact page.
