Pliny the Elder
by Ken Hurley
Pliny the Elder was first called Pliny the Elder by a respectful eight year old boy when Pliny the Elder was a nine year old elementary student cracking wise with his weary old grammaticus.
“The only certainty is that nothing is certain!” Pliny the Elder would shout in Greek then Latin as he yanked the teacher’s tunic to his ankles. Embarrassment for the teacher. Giggles for the children.
Pliny the Elder was born Gaius Plinius Secundus (23 to 79 A.D.) but insisted that he always be addressed as Pliny the Elder to differentiate from all the other Pliny’s, most notably his nephew, Pliny the Younger. Lessor known Pliny’s are: Pliny the Middle Aged, Pliny the Retired, Pliny the Kid, and Pliny the Pleb (no relation).
There is lots of obstinate and pervasive misinformation among historians and gossips regarding the great Roman scholar, historian, officer, lawyer, author, naturalist, corpulent and affable, Pliny the Elder. I’m here to set the wobbly record straight.
Pliny the Elder was as respected and accomplished as one could be living under the chaotic and tyrannical rule of Emperor Nero. Take a moment to remember Nero chose suicide at 30 years alive after being declared a public enemy by the Roman Senate in Absentia. I have a friend who lives in Cognito which is close to Absentia. Nero stabbed himself in the neck. Efforts by others to stop the bleeding failed while Nero gurggled his last words, ‘Too late’.
Wikipedia is a dominant free global online information source founded in 2001 that is often our first reference search but should not be considered a definitive source because it can be updated by any boorish schlub at anytime with good information, misinformation, or disinformation.
Wikipedia is a portmanteau from “wikiwiki” which means ‘fast’ in that old Polynesian language of the Austronesian language family now known as the Hawaiian language; and “pedia”, which I suppose somehow relates to learning.
Before Wikipedia, all the facts we wanted were found in heavy physical page turners like Encyclopædia Britannica, The World Book, and Funk & Wagnalls. The later was sold volume by volume in American grocery stores.
Reverend Funk was a Lutheran Minister, a prohibitionist, and a renowned lexicographer. Coincidence has his last name evoke a state of depression, odious smells, and a music genre through a mixture of soul, jazz, rhythm and blues. The envelopes with the questions for Carnac the Magnificent were “kept in a mayonnaise jar on the porch of Funk and Wagnalls.” You could, “Look that up in your Funk and Wagnalls.” And, next time you’re in Lithopolis, Ohio, please visit the Wagnalls Memorial Library. Funk doesn’t have his own library. He does have a porch.
Our man of the month, Pliny the Elder compliled, Naturalis Historia (Natural History), an encyclopedia of 37 books into which he collected all the knowledge he could remember or revise with proficient pedantry informed by Stoic natural philosophy paired with sips of the fine fermentation of Fiano di Avellino grapes that Pliny the Elder noted were “beloved by bees” due to the honeyed aroma and the subtle flavor of hazelnuts.
Some historians consider Naturalis Historia to be the first encyclopedia ever written. Other historians disagree. Of course the gossips wish it included a gossip section.
Pliny the Elder wrote that his subject matter would be “nature, that is life.” For Pliny the Elder, “Nature is the world, both as a whole and as its separate components; she is both the creator and the creation.” He offers little to nothing relative to his speculation regarding the nature of nature.
Unlike one of his Roman buddies, a former tutor and speechwriter for Nero, Seneca the Younger was a Stoic philosopher, statesman, dramatist, and occasional satirist, who couldn’t stop pontificating regarding his every thought. While Pliny the Elder had an aversion to blabby philosophical arguments.
Seneca the Younger, you’ll recall, is famous for repeating one of his all time favorite piths every chance he could to anyone who would listen:
Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful!
Pliny the Pleb was often seen in his tattered tunic along Appian Way shouting a familar reply:
Religion leads to duplicity!
Duplicity leads to doubt!
Doubt leads to fear!
Fear leads to death!
Death leads to Religion!
And, again . . . whoopee!
Sadly, Seneca the Younger, also took his own life after the accusations over his alleged involvement with the efforts to assinate Nero became too much to endure.
Pliny the Elder didn’t care to discuss the nature of nature in Epicurean or Stoic terms. He instead leaned toward particular pedagogy with entries like:
The best kind of emeralds come from Scythia.
It takes six European trees produce pitch.
There are three kinds of lettuce.
Rocket [Arugula] is an excellent aphrodisiac.
Pliny the Elder gathered knowledge from his personal observations, his own prior works (such as his big book about Germany), and extracts from other works that were collected through the use of a servant who would read aloud while another servant would rewrite the extracts as Pliny the Elder offered edits and snarky remarks like, “In wine, there’s truth!” as he sipped from his terra-cotta jar a mega-pint of vintage amber-colored Falernian vinum made from Aglianico grapes grown on the slopes of Monte Massico then soaked for a week in the Mediterranean Sea. This pleased Bacchus, the Roman party god of wine, vegetation, fertility, festivity, ritual madness, ecstasy, theatre, and general whackiness.
Which brings me to a botanical entry found in Naturalis Historia, Lupus Salictarius, today known as Humulus Lupulus, commonly known as hops. Pliny the Elder enjoyed his fine wine daily and occasionally a beer or two.
Beer lovers take note. There is a delicious Double India Pale Ale brewed with nuggets of Amarillo, Centennial, Simcoe, Columbus, Tomahawk, and Zeus hops. Slightly bitter with a fresh hoppy aroma of floral, citrus, earthy dankness, and pine named, Pliny the Elder!
Pliny the Elder of ancient Rome achieved everlasting fame due to his nephew, Pliny the Younger, who wrote about his uncle’s heroic, sad, and untimely death when he succumbed to gaseous fumes, volcanic ash, and smoke during the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius in 79 A.D. during his attempt to rescue Pliny the Younger and others from the explosion. Some historians (who shall remain anonymous) believe Pliny the Elder died of a heart attack while on his valiant rescue mission. The gosspis have another story that I’ll leave for another time. However, it does involve wine.
Before Pliny the Elder was found belly up he left us with some memorably terse aphorisms like: “Home is where the heart is.” And, “Hope is the pillar that holds up the world. Hope is the dream of a waking man.” And, “There is always something new out of Africa.”
“Out of Africa” sounds like a good title for a classy memoir about early 20th century life on a coffee plantation in the Ngong Hills of British East Africa (now Kenya). Am I right Karen Blixen?
La fine. Arrivederci miei amici!
Please send questions or comments to Ken Hurley the Elder
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